The close of 2011

So here we are, the end of 2011 is near ! 2011 has been a year of great disappointments, radical new thoughts and philosophies, and reconciliation. Sometimes I feel like I've started a new life this year post summer; when I was trying to come to terms with my exam result. I am not the same person I was at the start of this year or indeed any year previously. The exam result was definitely the key moment of this year and perhaps even my life. I have come to the realization that I will never be at peace until I give up my ego - my need to control, my yearning for power. My dreams of power dominated my thinking and aims in life up until that point, and so the transition away from that kind of thought has been challenging but also a relief, like some great burden has been lifted.


What is the world like in the absence of ego ? Perhaps before answering such a question it would be helpful to the reader if I described what the ego is, and actually I'll save myself the effort since Wikipedia puts it quite nicely: "Ego (spirituality), the "self", "self-concept", "false self", "conceptual identity", or identification with individual existence" . An individual's ego will drive him towards self attainment and it is very conscious of the outside world - what other people think. It is for this reason that when people talk about ridding oneself of the ego, they also talk about cutting one's attachment to material world. If a person has no attachment to the outside world, then he has nothing to prove or show to the world and hence such things as status and power are unnecessary. It is interesting that a lot of the burdens and worries we have in our lives are in our minds, and a simple change in the way we think can rid us of those problems. - Not so easy to change ones thinking though. A world without ego is unified, in which all people recognize that they are all part of the same "whole". 


In my talk of the ego thus far I have taken what might be considered a "practical" approach in the sense that I have spoken of giving up the ego like it's some formula a person can apply for a better life. However, what drives a person to the point where the ego is no longer important is more than a practical self help trick. For me to be able to give up my ego, it is important to have faith in God. There is a big difference in believing and having faith; when you have faith in something, you trust it. If there is anything holding me back now, it is my faith. I have always thought of God as my friend, my guide, as one who is so close to me that he lives within me as he lives within all things - he is that "whole". But I have never witnessed an independently conscious God and whether there is a certain consciousness to the whole world is a question that I feel is important and unanswered. 


I now find myself at a point in my life when I would like to discover and rediscover some of the "simple joys" of life. This might be meeting new people, having new experiences, and even just rediscovering my passion for science - now without the burden of my ego. I want to be free, but not alone. I have spent a large proportion of my life in solitude, but I think this is a time to mix, get involved in activities, and be enterprising. I still have another 6 months to spend at University, perhaps this should be a time to practice some good working habits, I am looking forward to a new beginning at my first job. I can't help but feel like I haven't been living as "largely" as I can, what I mean is that I need to be more energetic and put in a greater effort into every aspect of my life whether it be in my work or my social self, I also need to be braver in pursuing new opportunities. Perhaps there are aspects of myself that I haven't yet shared with the rest of the world and it is time that I start sharing. I am turning into quite an intriguing individual if I may say so myself; some kind of cross between a monk or philosopher trying to give up his ego, an ordinary young man who wants to "live it up", an entrepreneur always seeking new opportunities for enterprise, and a scientist who just loves his physics and math and the wonderful patterns in nature; this is who I am - Siddharth. 

Goa and cousins

I have just returned from a memorable trip to Goa. It has been so nice to reconnect with all my cousins after so many years. We're all young adults now, all forging our own paths through the dense fog that is life. Meeting them again brought back many nostalgic memories. It's funny, we don't really know each other very well, yet we have met each other for short periods throughout our lives and there is this sense that we are in it together (or at least that is my sense of things). There is a feeling of kinship among siblings and cousins that supersedes other relations because we have grown up together, we have seen each other change, evolve, and grow in to the people that we are today. Even so, we are all so different now, we have our own lives and sometimes I am overcome by a great sadness; sad that I haven't spent more time with them, that we are on such diverging paths. It is a loneliness that perhaps we all feel at some point - the need to share our life with others. All the power and wealth in the world is unable to quench this loneliness. Yet so many family relations are made sour by material issues, I have seen it happen within my own family. But family addresses an emptiness in every individual that we cannot fill alone.

I really enjoyed the time with my cousins and I decided to just "go with the flow"; let my cousins take the lead. After all, I just wanted to spend time with them, it didn't matter how. Night as it turns out was the most "active" time of day. Sunday night (11/12/2011) saw the four of us ( 2 cousin bros, my cousin sis and I) go clubbing in North Goa. They drank, I remained sober as usual; I guess I may come across as judgmental in such situations - but I'm really not, I was just glad to be there with them and to be honest throughout this trip I was hoping that the alcohol would push them in to revealing their deeper thoughts and beliefs. My cousins seem to be quite protective of their deeper selves, and I am not one who believes in trying to pry it out. There is a certain level of comfort a person needs to feel before he/she starts to reveal what really means a lot to him/her, what is often thought about, and the principles by which he/she lives. I don't think we got to that level, although the conversation did deepen for a period that Sunday night when my cousin sister began to question my abstinence to alcohol and why I tried to maintain a certain level of self discipline in my life. My reply was that I had some "strange notions" - not terribly revealing I know, but what is my answer ? I don't really know anymore. In the past, it might have been because I felt like I was destined to do something "great" - that the world would need me, but so much has changed now and perhaps I do it to convince myself that I am true and sincere in my mission to help people ( somehow !).

A cousin bro joined us on Monday, again I was very happy to see him. There were now 5 of us, and we hung out together on Tuesday night. We broke through our curfew in style when we went out to a swanky club on top of a hill, Club Cubana; let me describe it succinctly; play boy mansion - pretty amazing place. But before that and the jungle jeep ride to it, we hung out at a shack by the beach and witnessed a truly unique hippie trance beach party ! A night to remember, and one that made it all the more sad to bid my cousin bro and sis farewell on Wednesday. Once again we met for a short episode in the saga of our lives. Sometimes I wish the tape would just get stuck on one of these episodes.

My to Our

I started blogging on the 14 of July 2008. At the time the title of this blog was " My Universe " ; its purpose was to act as an outlet for thoughts that had been developing through my quiet teen years. I never imagined that 4 years later I would still be blogging and unlike many activities that I've tried out only to lose interest in a matter of days, this blog has survived. Sometimes I wonder what has kept me blogging for this long; there aren't many readers of this blog so it does not serve any ego interests. So why am I so interested in indulging in the puzzling act of writing posts ? I believe the answer relates to a post I wrote back in September 2008 ; Forgotten Journeys. There is a world that people are not able to see; an inner world of thoughts and emotions as opposed to the outer physical world of actions and results. All my life I have felt "detached" from people, because I am like an iceberg; 90 % of me hides beneath the surface. But this whole planet is full of icebergs, and our eyes tend to stay above the surface seeing the physical world but missing the majority that lies beneath. Many of us are so accustomed to seeing what lies above that we cannot even see ourselves in all completeness. We are so caught up with our egos and exterior attachments that we keep driving ahead looking for results. I was like that in 2008 and in 2011 I still am. It is not easy to dive under the surface even to see one self, to leave the exterior world is to leave behind everything you thought was important, everything others tell you is important; the world of good grades, jobs, status and power. The world of the ego may seem rewarding at times, it may seem to give life a purpose, but it also brings disappointment, jealousy and frustration. The ego is incessant and demanding, and while everything is working out fine, life is fine, but someday things may not go your way and your ego will recoil like a snake and strangle you. The ego is ruthless and perhaps someday you may come to realize that there is something missing, that all your life your ego has bossed you around; never have you been free. Someday you will want freedom, and that is the day when you will dive beneath the surface, the day when you will look inwards to the seat of all perception; the mind. There you are bound to come face to face with your ego. I cannot tell you what ensues, I do not yet know the path to freedom. However, there are times when I look at the people around me and I'm overcome by a feeling that I cannot describe, I feel like although we may think of ourselves as separate chunks of ice, we are but part of the same ocean. With this piece of insight in mind, this blog is no longer about "My Universe", it is "Our Universe".

A new formula for Education

My parents often remind me of how lucky I am; how I have had many more opportunities than they did when they were young. I think it is natural for older generations to have such sentiments. After all, there are many like my parents who have built up their life from humble beginnings with a promise in their hearts; that they would see to it that their children would have what they could never have. Many in my generation owe great thanks to the progressive will of the people who brought us into this world. In the past, it is this progressive will that has largely contributed to the growth of society. However, there is a second force that has always held the promise of a better life, and that is technology.

Undoubtedly technological growth has enabled social growth ( a better standard of living , etc). The key point is that technological growth is not steady, it is accelerating, and this means the potential for social growth too is accelerating. At this point I should add a cautionary note that my statement is general, off course it can be argued that not all technological advancements are accompanied by beneficial social changes. Social structures and institutions are subject to a lag relative to technological change, one such structure is "education".

As a student - now for many years, I have grown to be a critic of the current structure of education. Although a lot has changed in terms of the subjects students now have the option of studying, methods of teaching are 'narrow', outdated and inefficient. We still largely follow an ancient system of several students and a teacher in a classroom that is part of an institution like a school or university, following a fixed learning timetable. The system is 'rigid', in that it is unable to accommodate for individuals; their different learning rates, styles of learning, and their interests and aptitudes. 'Rigidity' of the type described makes the teaching system inefficient. What are the consequences of this ? Not only are students not learning as well as they could, but many become bored of learning because the system is not suited to them and they therefore, develop a great dislike for it. I believe there are many who walk among us today who have sadly never reached their full potentials thanks to a system that was unsuitable for them. In the past, perhaps this was inevitable, but with the advent of new technology, we no longer have an excuse.

A new and better system would need to be 'flexible'. It would have to accommodate the individual and allow him/her to reach their potential. We also have the opportunity to build a much 'broader' system ( as opposed to 'narrow'), by this I mean it can reach out to more people. Finally, the system should better prepare its students for the modern world. Now that we've laid down the ground rules, the big question is; how can we build such a system ? What would the system be ? Its specific and features. I believe the key ideas required for the restructuring of Education, already exist. Take a look at the Khan Academy ( www.khanacademy.com ), it may well be a sneak peek into the future.


The video introduces some interesting ideas on Education reform. If you've ever tried learning a subject with the aid of a good video tutorial, I'm sure you will agree that learning in this way is so much faster and easier than having to read a fat textbook. Learning by video is like listening to a teacher talk with the added advantage that you can replay anything you failed to understand the first time. I will try to avoid repeating the points made in the video, but I will add that such a method of learning has the advantage of allowing passionate students to accelerate their own learning in the subjects they find interesting; they don't need to wait for the subject to be taught in a traditional school. The fact that a whole schooling system can in essence be moved to a public domain like the internet means that so many more people will be able to access this material ( tutorials, questions and exercises) and this makes the system much "broader". On the subject of making the system "broader", I do acknowledge that it is unreasonable to expect everyone to have access to a computer with an internet connection at home. This problem however, is not without solution if we are willing to improve the facilities provided in places like public libraries. Libraries should not be the abode of the extra geeky individual, rather they should be key institutions in society where students can go to have access to not just a vast selection of books, but the facilities to educate themselves via terminals connected to a schooling system ( of which the closest current example may be the Khan Academy). I'm not banishing the idea of a physical schooling institute, indeed that must remain, however, its role can be modified. School teachers need to be "regulators" - checking the progress of each child and making sure they're on track, this idea was mentioned in the video, but there's more; students often get bored of a subject when they can't perceive the short term relevance of the subject matter, it is hard to remain motivated by the benefits that education promises to offer in future years - that time scale is just too long. I believe students need to be introduced to the entrepreneurial spirit of thinking and doing things. If programming is learnt, teachers should help kids organize themselves into groups that are perhaps given the task of designing an elaborate program, the mathematics they learn should be brought out of the abstraction of theory and into the world of practical application, the wonderful connection between math and physics needs to be communicated across to students and they should be encouraged to come up with their own deductions and inventions - and I'm not taking about carrying out standard experiments, there's no room there for creative thinking and so it is boring. There is great satisfaction and joy to be derived through creative thought and enterprise, unfortunately many students today have never had the privilege to experience such emotions.

We have really got to understand that people learn in different ways and thrive in different environments. Although some students may thrive in a competitive environment full of exams and inter-student competition, other students may find such a system utterly demoralising and may slowly lose their self esteem and confidence. Such students may be tempted to "give up", and may consequently refrain from applying themselves fully to their studies, from there the situation can only get worse. Let us not allow these students to give up. We develop at different rates, some start of as slow learners but have the potential to improve a lot in the future, let us not discourage such individuals so early that they never get the chance to blossom. If a teacher comes to realize that a competitive environment is not conducive to the learning style of the student, then they should have the option of sheltering the student from such pressures and personalizing his/her schooling through video learning and flexible timetabling so that the student's confidence is preserved ( confidence is so very important for success ).

These are just some ideas for a better Education system. Studying should'nt be separate from fun and enjoyment, only then can it be truly effective. Just imagine a world in which everyone enjoyed learning, how much more productive would such a world be ?! and how much happier ?! I think it would be a vastly better world, let's consider building a better world with this new formula for Education.

Thinking like an Entrepreneur

What a time to be graduating ! The global economy is on the brink of a second spell of depression, employers are aiming to cut costs which means many are laying off workers let alone hiring new ones, and why bother with training ? It costs money, and that ain't something to let go off too easily, so the solution is to hire experienced workers - why bother with fresh starters ! The US and Europe are seized in a debt crisis, so they look to cut spending. Where do these cuts come from ? Welfare comes to mind. In addition the price of education goes up. All this and rising inflation has a toll on ordinary citizens, whose frustration has reached the simmering point.

This is the world I plan to graduate into in a year's time. I do not pretend to be command; uncertainty looms over my life. Heck ! I don't even know how this academic year is going to turn out for me ! I'm an international student at my University and my finite duration Visa means I'm racing against time; either I get a job this academic year, or I take the journey into an even larger fog of uncertainty.

Uncertainty is a funny thing. Actually you may think, like many, that it is a scary thing ! You've probably got your whole life planned out; go to University - do well, get a great job, fall in love, be a millionaire by the time you're 40, and retire in a huge villa by the sea, or some variant of that. Uncertainty sure doesn't have any place in that plan, and so it is unwanted. Perhaps you think you can kick it out, but somehow it always finds a way back in; through the back door or some crack in the wall. I have been a victim of this fear of uncertainty, and I thought I could boot it out, but uncertainty is a feature of life that we got to live with. We can fear it, or (and this is the awesome part) ... or we can have fun !

Give up that urge to control, for only God is in control. Trust God to do what is best, and just do what feels right; think like an entrepreneur. To me, entrepreneurship is not about taking huge risks, it's just about being comfortable in an uncertain Universe. Sure, you may take a risk, but an entrepreneur enjoys the process - it's exciting, stress and fear come when the result becomes the focus and uncertainty becomes the enemy.

The Entrepreneur's world is full of opportunities. Not because the world provides opportunities, but rather because the entrepreneur's mind creates them. Therefore, opportunities are not a feature of the environment, but the result of a way of thinking - the entrepreneur's way. Being an entrepreneur is about thinking like one, I'm new to this philosophy and I still shiver at uncertainty, but now is a time to give up fear and have fun, and that's what this blog is all about.

Egypt

Welcome 2011 ! Gosh I have been on this Earth for a while now, to be more precise I have existed for close to 21 years and 9 months from the moment I was a zygote. Actually one could argue that I have existed for up to 52 years + a few months ( < 9 ) - well at least half of me ! In case you're wondering how I came up with that, that's simply the age of my mom and since egg cells exist in a woman from birth or even longer it is fair to say that half of me may have existed for that long.

Still some of the structures I got to see over the last few days have been standing for much longer, up to 5000 years ! You got to admit that kind of time scale really has a "wow" factor to it. What is interesting is that it's not just the structures that have survived, but their stories as well which are inscribed all over their walls in hieroglyphics. It is these stories that really resurrect the whole civilization. I don't know how to read hieroglyphics, however, it is possible to have a guess at the meaning of some of the drawings by careful observation and some thought. For example at one temple in particular; the temple dedicated to the God of protection; Horus, at a place called Edfu, I noticed that that there were several pictures of a man offering different items to the God Horus. It is not difficult to imagine that priests were required to offer these very items to the golden statue of the God that once laid in the inner sanctum of the temple ( the "holy of the holies" room). All the temples we visited on this trip had the same basic structure; a large front wall with an obelisk or two and some statues of the pharaoh who built the temple followed by an open passage way leading from the front wall to the holy of holies. The front wall often had large drawings of the pharaoh in battle being blessed by the God for which the temple was built. Off course not all the obelisks, statues and drawings were in pristine condition ! The temple of Luxor dedicated to the Sun God; Amon Ra, even had depictions of the Pharaoh's "private" life.

I guess such topics only became taboo much later. I wouldn't be surprised if this was meant to be a depiction of Ramses the second who had 52 wives and 132 children, clearly any documentation of his lifestyle had to include such hobbies.
Away from temples, we also visited tombs. The grandest of these was the tomb built by the pharaoh Kheops, of the 4th dynasty. This tomb took the shape of a colossal pyramid and is known as the pyramid of Giza, because it lies in a place called Giza. There are another two smaller pyramids next to the Giza pyramid. These were built by the descendants of Kheops; Khefren and Micerino ( Greek names). Incidentally Khefren also built the famous Sphinx that is in front of his pyramid.
This large sphinx is the first and largest sphinx constructed in ancient Egypt. The idea seems to have become very popular and mini sphinxes are all over the place; in front of the Karnak temple, the Pompei tower and on walls all over. It is clear that the ancient Egyptians associated various animals and figurines with certain specific characteristics, their whole language is filled with depictions of animals and objects. Perhaps the sphinx came to be a symbol of having two characteristics at once; the strength of a lion and the intelligence of a human - an intimidating combination.

I could go on trying to tell you more about what I learnt and deduced about ancient Egypt, but I think that would eventually get boring and after all, my trip was more than just about enjoying the marvels of ancient Egypt. The plan was also to relax on a cruise, eat good food and celebrate the new year. In those respects Egypt wasn't all that great. The Christmas dinner organised for us was below par and was frankly disappointing. You may think that I'm just being fussy, but c'mon it's Christmas and we paid for and expected a great meal at a place with great ambiance. Eventually we chose to leave the rest of the group we were with and eat elsewhere ( not in the place that was organised for us). The meal was good, but our moods had already sunk and it wasn't a very "merry" christmas meal. Unfortunately that was just the first of several let downs and soon being fussy became a habit; we were grossly overcharged for the "Sound at light" show at Giza, New Years was a dull occasion, and we spent an inordinate amount of time on sleeper trains that weren't too nice. Still there were some exciting moments like the ride on the hot air balloon on the first day of 2011, a high start to the new Year, literally. These little moments coupled with the glory of ancient Egypt saved the trip. All in all, I enjoyed my visit to the land of Pharaohs.

The 3rd year and my social discovery

One more busy week to go, two more reports and 3 more days of lectures ; this is the position that I find myself in at his moment. My life goes on, in its typical silent manner. But I believe, that I'm changing. When I came to University 2 years ago, I was scared, intimidated by the institution and people around me. I believed that the magical hand of destiny would clear my way and pull me into the extraordinary. I believed that I was meant for great things and that all I needed to do was simply wait for "my moment".

So I waited, I grew frustrated and annoyed because things didn't go my way. I didn't understand why this was happening - this was supposed to be "my time" , the time when "my destiny" would lead me to great success, why then was I being met with failures instead ? Frustration turned into anger, which turned into disappointment and a feeling of helplessness. For a long time, I remained in this state. This disappointment reached a climax at the end of last summer, and a radically new idea, a new philosophy emerged from the ashes of previous delusions.
I have been freed from all delusions of responsibility and from this irrational belief that "I was born to be great". Destiny has nothing planned for me. It is time I stop waiting for something to happen; nothing will. I am the master of my own fate. Waiting for something to happen has been the biggest mistake of my life , I have let so many opportunities pass because I was not willing to take command. Something has to change, I cannot let this mistake continue. I know what needs to be done.

Moving onto other personal discoveries ; I have discovered the reason for my silence in most social situations. In a sense this is not the most profound of discoveries, and arguably I have known this for quite a while. The truth is, that I am only really interested in talking about Science, and Science trivia doesn't cut it either, it has to be of a technical nature and something I can understand and discuss. I guess thats why I have had a great time at my semiconductor engineering supervisions ( meetings with professors or PhD students when a group of two students discuss our conceptual and question paper related problems). Unfortunately there are some people who tend to get frustrated if you ask too many questions or the questions are too trivial or something "we should know" - a real kill joy, I don't feel comfortable with such people - which is why not all supervisions are great.
Actually there are exceptions to this "Science talk" rule, but they are few. This really is a terribly geeky trait, and one that explains why I'm totally useless at making casual conversation and why I am and will continue to be useless when it comes to "picking up" girls ! :p But off-course the consequences are much more far reaching than this ; my silence tends to alienate me from the rest of any group of people I happen to be with. Eventually, a point comes when I feel like I am not a significant member of the group and perhaps my presence is not needed or even not wanted. It is a bit unfortunate that I have never had the opportunity to be myself around people for a sustained period of time. But I can hardly blame anyone, my "social self" is so strange that even I haven't figured out how to express it properly. I guess there are aspects of me that still need to be discovered.
What I like about my blog, is that it is the one place where I can be myself. Ironically, if I were to be myself in a social situation I might actually talk about my "science talk" trait ! This is actually not strictly science, and would fall into the category of one of the exceptions ! What a load of irony ... I love it !