The 3rd year and my social discovery

One more busy week to go, two more reports and 3 more days of lectures ; this is the position that I find myself in at his moment. My life goes on, in its typical silent manner. But I believe, that I'm changing. When I came to University 2 years ago, I was scared, intimidated by the institution and people around me. I believed that the magical hand of destiny would clear my way and pull me into the extraordinary. I believed that I was meant for great things and that all I needed to do was simply wait for "my moment".

So I waited, I grew frustrated and annoyed because things didn't go my way. I didn't understand why this was happening - this was supposed to be "my time" , the time when "my destiny" would lead me to great success, why then was I being met with failures instead ? Frustration turned into anger, which turned into disappointment and a feeling of helplessness. For a long time, I remained in this state. This disappointment reached a climax at the end of last summer, and a radically new idea, a new philosophy emerged from the ashes of previous delusions.
I have been freed from all delusions of responsibility and from this irrational belief that "I was born to be great". Destiny has nothing planned for me. It is time I stop waiting for something to happen; nothing will. I am the master of my own fate. Waiting for something to happen has been the biggest mistake of my life , I have let so many opportunities pass because I was not willing to take command. Something has to change, I cannot let this mistake continue. I know what needs to be done.

Moving onto other personal discoveries ; I have discovered the reason for my silence in most social situations. In a sense this is not the most profound of discoveries, and arguably I have known this for quite a while. The truth is, that I am only really interested in talking about Science, and Science trivia doesn't cut it either, it has to be of a technical nature and something I can understand and discuss. I guess thats why I have had a great time at my semiconductor engineering supervisions ( meetings with professors or PhD students when a group of two students discuss our conceptual and question paper related problems). Unfortunately there are some people who tend to get frustrated if you ask too many questions or the questions are too trivial or something "we should know" - a real kill joy, I don't feel comfortable with such people - which is why not all supervisions are great.
Actually there are exceptions to this "Science talk" rule, but they are few. This really is a terribly geeky trait, and one that explains why I'm totally useless at making casual conversation and why I am and will continue to be useless when it comes to "picking up" girls ! :p But off-course the consequences are much more far reaching than this ; my silence tends to alienate me from the rest of any group of people I happen to be with. Eventually, a point comes when I feel like I am not a significant member of the group and perhaps my presence is not needed or even not wanted. It is a bit unfortunate that I have never had the opportunity to be myself around people for a sustained period of time. But I can hardly blame anyone, my "social self" is so strange that even I haven't figured out how to express it properly. I guess there are aspects of me that still need to be discovered.
What I like about my blog, is that it is the one place where I can be myself. Ironically, if I were to be myself in a social situation I might actually talk about my "science talk" trait ! This is actually not strictly science, and would fall into the category of one of the exceptions ! What a load of irony ... I love it !